He, gives her solace.

Tides haste, current wanes. Climate draws from chill to mild. Her heart senses the warmth. Her eyes desiccate. Her blood rushes ordinarily. Breathing becomes conventional. Lungs become stronger. She could taste the air she inhales. It tastes pleasant. She could depict smiles. It feels lovely. She could break into laughs. It’s gratifying. Almost, almost everything comes to an ease.

Where’s the gloomy weather? Where’s the overflown tears? Where’s the heart beating restlessly? Where’s the aching? Parts and pieces of it all, still discernible. But not a whole. Not a hole. Her sanity emerges. Skins on her face by now, wearied from all the frown and grimace. Amazingly, existence becomes serene. It was just yesterday she felt the sorrow. Today, it departs.

‘If he is one in a million, there’s billions on this planet, chances are, there are millions like him’

‘God loves you, he showed you the pain now, earlier, so that you can take the rest of the time, mend it and learn from it’

‘Part of me agree, its karma. What you did before, you feel it now. But you’ll get through this, its easier than what you’ve done, you know it’ll get better’

‘There’s a reason why you have to experience this. There is. One day, you’ll know’

Showered by words soothe the ache, the confusion. Despite not knowing the details, they knew she was in pain. How can she thank them for these? She walked to her car, unconsciously humming to a song, Kaleidoscope by Jonsi (Sigur Ros) & Tiesto. How astonishing, a piece of music, fixed perfectly to her current state. But above all, she thank and she read her gratitude to the Above. For he has brought her out of yesterday’s misery much sooner than she ever anticipated.

Or perhaps, yesterday, she was just exaggerating.

Nonetheless, her soul finds its comfort, yet still she misses him, truly, truly misses him.

‘All will be good, all is good’, she whispered before she kiss her no longer existence boyfriend a final goodbye. 

Sudden lost.

This heart shattered, scattered into invisible tiny pieces as to in disbelief that I was in pain, I’m still in.  I tried to create a smirk, as it could ease me from the stress they say, but I couldn’t. Every word I construct before expressing it out, tears flown out, faster than my lips could utter. Questions I asked only to be answered with vague answers. I could not fathom the situation, the issue. No actually I understood it patently.  It’s the cause of it, the basis of it that dragged me into the circumstance, into the heartache. I tried to disarm myself from the extreme sadness of losing something I still want, I still need, but I failed, miserably. I posed questions I never thought I’d ask.

Why do you have to leave?

Do you really don’t want me anymore?

Can’t you stay?

It was the saddest part of this soul.  I had my thoughts spoken.  I asked for forgiveness, if I’m the cause or even the root for this mishap. I expressed my gratitude for at least, honesty was all I anticipate yesterday, even so I myself not so sure of it. How could I trust any next words, when all words said before meant nothing?

Not only this beating organ felt the remorse, my bones ache, my brain stings.  I wished the pain would evaporate as swiftly as it could the next morning. No. My wish didn’t come true. It’s still there, the soreness. It’s still there.  I wish there’s visible wound that I could perhaps do something to ease the nuisance. There isn’t. I felt the blood shrink, as if they themselves have given up on life, as I climbed down the bed.  Pause. All I could ponder was, when will this stop? When only then I could exit out of this grief?

It’s hard. It wasn’t the same level of throbbing I experienced before.  Not even the last heartbreak was as excruciating as this. It's agonizing.

No, I won’t write the typical sanguine I’d hope for the rest of my days. I just couldn’t find the right mind, my right mind. Sanity is something I’d trade to take away this pain. Being insane is somewhat comfortable than having to feel all of these.

I’m blaming no one but me. I dragged myself, hoping something more when I know, I deserved something less. I’m still weak beyond my knowledge.

And as of the entire hurt, one thing, one thing I could only wish right now. Numb, I want to feel numb to only learn back to touch happiness. All I wish is that, just that.

'Dear dairy hati, its all been taken care of.'
Its not.